Gifted and creative individuals often have a hard time at parties – or any other social gathering – for these reasons:
- – Their sense of the value of time makes it hard for them to communicate without a specific purpose. So if they’re not looking for a hook-up or a job, for example, they become very twitchy.
- – Their inability to make small talk “like everybody else” makes them feel inadequate and nervous – and excluded.
- – Their compensatory behaviors – drinking, eating, smoking, flirting, etc – actually make them feel worse about themselves.
How the rest of the party sees the gifted individual.
For many of us, the only thing worse than being at a party is not being invited in the first place. Even though we might comfort ourselves with references to ugly ducklings and Groucho Marx’s “I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member,” we still end up feeling pretty lonely and rejected.
How the gifted can thrive at a party.
Despite any gloomy history of failed party-going, there are ways that gifted individuals can use to overcome the them-me perception gap.
How the gifted individual feels in relation to the rest of the party.
You can actually do more than just survive a party: you can leave it in a warm frame of mind and with your sense of integrity intact. Here’s how:
1) You can practice seeing yourself the way others see you, not as you experience yourself (see the pictures on this page). You really are a handsome or beautiful human being who looks as if you have a lot to offer the other people there. And it’s true: you do.
2) You can modify your expectations. If you go along with the hope of meeting a matching combination of intellect and creativity you’re probably going to be disappointed. Just go along hoping to find a friendly – not necessarily stimulating – conversation or two and to indulge in some contemplative people-watching.
3) Drop any idea that you’re going to make people love you. It doesn’t matter how attractive you make yourself or how interesting your thoughts and experiences are – they don’t want to know. Your vitality, originality and wit will blow over them and they’ll find someone less intimidating to talk with.
4) On the contrary, go with the intention of making them feel loved. Congratulate them on their outfits or their choice of music, compliment them for their home-made dip, and – above all – listen to them. They will reward you with warmth and admiration that you can live off for weeks.
And one day you will find yourself listening to someone and something they say will really click with you and you’ll feel the power of human contact when it takes place between two potent equals. Irresistible!